On being a “real” feminist

Posted: May 30, 2014 in Feminism, Life, Self

I get furious when I hear terms like “You’re only a real feminist if…” or “That’s not how to do feminism.” It’s bullshit. How dare someone tell me how to do feminism, regardless of their gender. How dare someone try to tell me I can’t call myself a feminist because I do this or that or don’t do that or this. How much dislike certain fashions or how much I like cock doesn’t have anything to do with how “real” a feminist I am.

For me feminism isn’t about the clothes I wear, or how much cleavage I show. It’s not about whether I wear make-up or shave my legs and armpits. It’s not about hating men, or hating women that don’t conform to my way of thinking. And it’s certainly not about someone telling me how to be a feminist.

Feminism, for me, is about having the right and freedom to choose how I reperesent myself through appearance, actions and words and not be judged based on my gender. It’s about me choosing how I engage in feminism and me choosing the kind of feminist I want to be. It’s about making my own decisions instead of someone making them for me, and yes, choosing to let someone make your decisions for you is still feminism because you choose it.

Feminisim is about having the right to say no and have that no recognised and respected for what it is. It’s about empowering myself to stand up and speak up when I feel I need to make a stand or say my piece. It’s about having the right to my own opinions and to disagree with someone else for the simple fact that I’m an individual.

Feminism is about equality; not just women being equal to men, but equality across all the differences between every single person, male, female, hemaphrodite, trans, neutral and every other gender identity in between. Because your gender should be what you identify as, not what someone else tells you it is, and because your gender shouldn’t make a difference to the treatment, rights and priveleges you get.

And I think mostly importantly, feminism is about embracing the fact that there as many types of feminists and ways to do feminism as there are people in this world. There is no “one twue way” to be a feminist and that is one of the beautiful things about it.

Some advice on how to find feminism that works for you:

* Don’t just buy into something because someone made it sound good. Think about why it sounded good and how that ties in with your beliefs and the things you want to stand for and represent.

* Don’t let anyone put you down or make you feel bad for your feminism. If you feel empowered and you’re not trying to hurt anyone there’s nothing wrong with how you’re doing it.

* Don’t let anyone tell you what you can can can’t do if you want to call yourself a feminist.

* Keep your mind open to new ideas. The world is always changing and sometimes old mindsets need to be thrown away to keep bettering yourself.

* Don’t be that person that tells others how to be a feminist.

And hey, you might disagree with some of this – you might disagree with all of it and that’s okay too, because I’m not going to tell you what feminism is for you. I can only tell you what feminism is for me because I’m the feminist I want to be.


Since I frequently get questions about how to care for a new scar, how long it takes to heal and what to expect I thought I’d write something up that people can refer to. This information has been compiled from research, advice from people with years of experience in scarification and my own experiences. I will probably make changes and additions to this as I learn more. Enjoy.


How to care for your new scar

The MOST important thing is to keep your new scar clean. The last thing you want is an infection, not only because it could result in uneven scarring but also because it could result in hospitalisation if it isn’t treated quickly enough.
Here are some steps on how to keep your scar clean and irritate it safely to promote scar tissue growth.

Wash your scar 3-4 times daily with an antibacterial/antimicrobial soap and/or hydrogen peroxide to prevent infection in the exposed area(s). I have a preference for hydrogen peroxide because it doubles as an irritant and I also just love the way it bubbles, but either is fine. Make sure you’ve ALWAYS washed your hands before you start to clean your scar.

  • Soap – lather soap in pre-washed hands and gently rub into your cutting then rinse with fresh water. You may wish to repeat this a few times before thoroughly rinsing one last time and gently patting the area dry with new paper towel.
  • Hydrogen peroxide – pour hydrogen peroxide onto a clean cotton pad/make-up pad and gently wipe down your cutting. Pat down gently with new paper towel.

Do NOT scrub across the open skin. This will make for uneven scarring.

Once the area is clean and dried you need to make sure it’s moist before sealing your scar off from the air. If you’d like to help irritate it you can cover the area in a layer of clean Vaseline/petroleum jelly. If you’d prefer not to irritate it you can use an antiseptic cream such as Bepanthen.

Do NOT allow your Vaseline to become contaminated with anything else as this could result in infection. I recommend having a separate tub of Vaseline for your cutting if you use iot for any other sort of play, especially anal. If you think your Vaseline may have become contaminated get a fresh tub or tube. Do not risk it.

Next you need to wrap your cutting in cling wrap/seran wrap/cellowrap or whatever else you want to call it. Make sure it’s food grade wrap as this will be clean enough to put on your cutting. Use medical paper tape to keep the wrap on. Do not wrap too tightly, as this may keep your cutting from keloiding upward as well. Leave this dressing on entirely until your next wash.

After a few days new scar tissue should be forming and sealing of the open skin. It’s important to continue cleaning the area 3-4 times a day for at least 10 days to prevent infection.

If you want to irritate your scar more this is the stage you can do so. There are a few options and you must make sure you’ve cleaned down the scar area as instructed above before applying any of them. Here are a few heavier irritant options:

  • Vaseline can be mixed with a small amount of sugar or salt and gently rubbed into your cutting to break up healing tissue and keep the area moist.
  • Toasted sesame oil is another popular method that has a similar affect as the Vaseline and sugar/salt option.
  • Hydrogen peroxide poured onto gauze and used to gently scrub the scar is also effective. This needs to be followed by Vaseline or Bepanthen to keep the area moist.

ALWAYS rub your irritant gently in the direction of the cutting lines, NOT against. Scrubbing against or across the lines instead of along them could “blow out” the scar unevenly and cause an undesired result.

Make sure you follow the irritant with a cling wrap dressing.

If the cling wrap dressing causes you any irritation or redness it’s normal and scan be remedied by applying Bepanthen or a similar soothing cream to the area.

After 3-6 weeks there should be enough scar tissue to have closed your open wounds up completely and it’s at this stage you can use physical irritation such as smacking, scratching, rubbing etc. to promote further scar tissue growth if you desire. It’s important to make sure that if you choose to use physical irritation you do it evenly to ALL of the scar areas to make sure the scar growth is even.

It’s important to remember that even with all these steps and precautions scars are unpredictable. You may irritate your scar every day for months and not be able to get it to keloid, or you may avoid irritating it and end up with very raised keloid scars. How much you scar is determined by your genetics. Also remember that everyday use of the area that’s been cut can cause irritation so be mindful of where you choose you scar placement.

IMPORTANT: If at any point your scar looks or feels like it could be infected SEE YOUR DOCTOR. Don’t wait and see if it clears up. Fast intervention is important.


Posted: January 1, 2014 in Life
Tags: , ,

It’s a new year and I’m trying to make sure I start it on a positive note with motivation. It’s going to be a big year for me and the only person who can make or break it is me.

So I’ve put together my main focuses for 2014.

– help to make The Gathering 2014 the biggest and best kink conference in the Southern Hemisphere yet

– turn 30 with style and panache

– get to Japan!

– successfully rig my first hook suspension

– continue to maintain and grow my already wonderful relationship with Razor

– be even more awesome this year than last

This year is going to be amazing.

informationisbeautiful.net is probably one of my favourite websites. I love their pictures full of vast amounts of information made beautiful and simple to drink up. There are a few in there that I will make happier posts about at some stage.

I stopped checking their website for a long while, and when I came back I re-stumbled on this particular image:

Rape: A Lack of Conviction


It’s been updated since I last saw it, back in Feb this year. It’s based on numbers found on rape in just the UK.

Have a good look.

Look at the first number. Now look at the last number.

Now look again and really let those numbers sink in as you scroll down and read the reasons why those numbers dwindle so rapidly as you move further down the image.

It’s estimated at least 78,000 rapes happened in the UK in 2011 but:

  • only 16,041 were reported
  • only 2,873 rapes came to trial
  • and only 1,153 rapes were convicted

That’s less than 1.5% of rapes being convicted.

So when I hear about someone being skeptical about the truthfulness of a victim’s rape, or implying a rape victim is making it up, or flat out calling a rape victim a liar… I get really angry. There is absolutely no excuse for being part of the rape culture problem.

Seriously, don’t be that dickhead  that sets a precedent that could result in a rape victim not coming forward to report their assult to the authorities. Don’t be the douchebag that causes a rape victim to drop the charges against their attacker. Don’t be the fucktard that makes a rape victim doubt themselves and their right to see their attacker convicted.

And if you do, don’t expect any respect or sympathy from me for doing so. Because you’re adding to a huge problem – you’re being part of the reason rape culture is so ingrained in our society.

This is not specifically directed at any one person, but at every person that is part of this problem; it’s directed at our whole society. And if you think this is about you, maybe it is and maybe you really need to examine yourself and how you affect those around you when it comes to the topic of rape.

Stop creating the skeptism. Stop victim blaming. Stop adding to the problem. Just stop.

It’s not a pink ribbon

Posted: September 3, 2013 in Life
Tags: , ,

I stumbled on this through my friend Lukas Zpira and had to share.

The SCAR Project started as an awareness raising campaign by fashion photographer David Jay but very quickly became something powerful, beautiful and far more real than any pink ribbon campaign has ever achieved. It’s a series of large scale protraits of young women that have survived breast cancer. It’s quite confronting, but I think that’s one of the things I love about it. No veils or sugar coating, just raw reality.

As a young cancer survivor myself (thyroid cancer at 18) this really spoke to me and I wanted to share it with anyone that cares to look.

The SCAR Project

The SCAR Project

breath play haiku

Posted: September 2, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

strong hand at my throat
time stops as everything fades
to soft, blissful black

Bad brain

Posted: August 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

Anxiety sucks at the best of times, but is especially unpleasant when it turns up to try and sabotage the things that usually make you happy and keep it at bay. I’d go into complete hermit mode right about now if I hadn’t over inflated my sense of duty to try and prevent just that.